Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
