I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
