i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
