and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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