I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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