I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
