Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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