btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
