her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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