I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
