Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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