you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
