she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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