people are starting to question the shark bite story
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i think my cat just said my name.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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