She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
