How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
