When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
