I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
