So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
