We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
