I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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