i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
