They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
