I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
