I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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