he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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