using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
