I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
