So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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