Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
hell yes lets make some ravioli
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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