Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
