My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
