apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
