watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
