no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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