I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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