around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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