been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
