I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
