you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
