You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
