im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
