Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
