we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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