the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
