How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
