he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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