wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
