Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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