I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
